There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
