You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the condom got lost in my hair
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
