a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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