I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's always time for handjobs
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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