i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
