I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
