I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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