tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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