Do you still have your period?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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