I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
