I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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