her vagine was all disorganized.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
