Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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