Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
