I didn't shave. On purpose
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
