dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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