I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
