Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
