I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
