Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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