This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
