so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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