Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
