I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.