i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
