Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
