At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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