i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
