I hope mine doesn't look like that
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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