We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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