Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck