God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize