So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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