Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
