your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
