too bad you live with your parents still
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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