Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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