I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
