I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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