Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
