Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
