I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
