You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
