I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
