Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
