That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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