she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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