Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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