We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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