I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
