I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
