I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
