I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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