No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
