We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
