My sheets look like a crime scene.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
