Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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