id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
