I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
