hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
