i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
