God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
