Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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