she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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