I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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