i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
