i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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