I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
