I've blown a few things in my day
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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