i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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