i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
