Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
