were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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