I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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