I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
