i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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